Understanding Your Gifted Child

Last week I learned of a school that punished a 10 year old child who consistently arrived late and without homework. When a consultant suggested exploring the situation it was discovered that the child was living in a car, had no place to do homework, and was hungry as well as exhausted. This child was amazing in that he came to school at all.
The school had no idea who that child really was. With a little coaching, the school changed its tactics and started looking at this child and others as individuals. Instead of punishment a system of writing notes was instituted that said “I’m so glad you are here.” A homework study place was made available for the boy and the family was helped to find housing and food. Rather than the possibility of heading for prison, that child started to blossom.

Understanding a child and really knowing his or her abilities and situation, responding appropriately, and creating opportunity for success applies to the bright child as well as the homeless. With large classroom sizes and busy family life it may seem like quite a burden to have to respond to a child’s individual needs. But by developing a mindset that looks for individuality, by appreciating abilities, motivation, physical and emotional requirements, and by developing an arsenal of responses that encourages instead of punishes, the job becomes possible.
Having positive words, phrases, and activities at the tip of your tongue can make it easy to respond in an appropriate manner no matter how surprising the behavior.


What knowledge helps in working with talented children? First, boys and girls learn differently. Educator and family therapist Michael Gurian presents scientific evidence that documents biological gender differences that influence learning. In his book Girls and Boys Learn Differently he states that “girls talk sooner, develop better vocabularies, read better, and have better fine motor skills. Boys, on the other hand, have better auditory memory and are better at three-dimensional reasoning, are more prone to explore, and achieve greater abstract design ability after puberty.”

Boys tend to be deductive in their reasoning, starting from a general principle and applying the information to other cases. Girls tend to be inductive, adding to their base of conceptualization with concrete examples. Boys are better at calculating even if they don’t see the object. Blackboard math is easy to comprehend. When a math concept is taught using a manipulative, the female brain often finds it easier to grasp the concept.

Knowing gender differences should influence the way language, art, math and science are taught. Many talented children are considered trouble makers just because they have a different way of reasoning and responding. Educators who take these differences into account can develop appropriate opportunities that are exciting to the child’s learning style. However, a word of caution….every child does not respond the same, so even within the generalizations made by various studies it is necessary to evaluate each child’s reasoning abilities and teach to that mode.

Secondly, realize that there are ways of expressing intelligence. Not everyone is talented in every field. According to educator Howard Gardner there are several types of “Intelligences” or ways of knowing the world. These include being people smart, word smart, picture smart, self smart, nature smart, number/reasoning smart, body smart, and music smart. Knowing your talented child’s intelligence style(s) can help you introduce academic subjects by using the learning strength of the child. For instance a child who has Musical Intelligence might learn history through song. A bodily-kinesthetic learner might learn through active games and performances.

Inappropriate labels become an obstacle and a third area to consider. Gifted boys especially have to deal with the label of being called a nerd or a geek. A boy may experience peer and family pressure to fit in with the crowd. There may be high expectations requiring extra work and increased responsibilities. At times cultural differences reinforcing “manly” activities such as sports, cars, and girl watching get in the way of a young boy reaching his learning potential. Children are told that they have to do things in certain, often boring, way that may be inappropriate to the learner. A poor or minority child may never be seen as gifted. Sexism, harassment, discrimination, and even intimidated males who are uncomfortable with women, are issues faced by girls. Parents and teachers need to be aware of these biases and pave the way for their children to overcome stereotypical obstacles.

Planning a path by setting educational goals is the fourth item to consider for your gifted child. Parents and teachers along with the gifted child together need to devise a strategy for learning. Goal setting needs to incorporate problems and risks being faced by the child whether real or imaginary. Parents can help by developing quiet places for work and study and having at hand resources such as books and writing material. They should be seen as a partner to the teacher who may be overwhelmed with the individual needs in a classroom. Parents can extend the classroom experience into the home and community.

Busy adults and those who are worried about keeping up with their own child’s advanced requirements can find outside mentors in such places like Boys and Girls Clubs, area business clubs, sororities and fraternities, with their families, and within their own social groups. You would be amazed at how few people ask for help and how readily it is available.

Stress is a particularly important thing for the family to monitor, especially in a motivated high achieving child. Teaching your child to relax and to balance work with play will have the benefit of making work time productive. Children want to please their parents and teachers. Fear of failure often produces failure and makes a child with high potential into a “loser.”

Talented children are fun. Their potential is great and with proper nurturing they can contribute a great deal to solving the world’s problems. These children do take up your time. They do require individual attention, understanding, and organization but the results will be worthwhile. That is your job Mom, Dad, Coach and Teacher!